Permission to Request What You Want

by | Feb 26, 2024 | Feelings, Healthy Relationships, Needs

How good are you at giving yourself permission to ask for the things you want?

For some of us, the cultural conditioning we experience to put other people’s needs first can inhibit us from really ever knowing what we need, or from advocating for what we really want.  

We worry that we’re being selfish.
We worry about hurting other people’s feelings.
We don’t want to sound entitled or demanding.

Directly, clearly and simply asking for what we want can be one of the most freeing gifts we can give to others in our lives.  

Just recently, someone playfully asked me, “Hey – tell me all the things you love about me,” and it lead to an inspiring and energizing exchange of mutual appreciations.  ❤️  

Here’s to giving yourself permission to both want what you want, and also to ask for what you want in inviting, soft ways!  

Here are a few key steps to making powerful requests:
1. Ask for what you DO want, not what you don’t want.  For example, “Could you give me a hug?” is more likely to result in you getting what you want than “Could you stop being so cold and insensitive?”
2. Make it behavioral not about their personality or character.  I can easily give you a hug, but if you tell me I am cold and insensitive, I am more likely to get defensive and miss what you are actually needing.
Want more like this?
In this week’s podcast, a caller plays with the idea of asking for exactly what she wants from a co-worker – and has a delightful revelation.  
Listen to the conversation here, or use the show notes below to jump to a specific part.

Want to figure out exactly what you’re wanting or needing?  

Check out my blog post: Connecting to Deeper Needs.

Show notes:
(1:01) How do I ask a coworker for exactly what I want without hurting their feelings?
(14:50) How do I ask someone to shorten the duration of their hug?
(19:05) How do I express my desire to help and be a compassionate witness to family members going through a conflict?
(29:59) How do I let someone know their compliment to me is something I do not consider a compliment without hurting their feelings?

How experienced are you at asking for what you really want?  I’d love to know!  Leave a comment below.


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