Blog
Feeling it Fixes it
Although we often want to move away from unpleasant feelings to avoid them, remember that often simply feeling it, fixes it. Situation One: As elevator doors were closing, I glimpsed a young child, maybe three years old, run towards the door to get in. The doors shut on her fingers. Hurrying and repeatedly pressing the […]
Emotional Strength Training
What do you do when your feelings get hurt? Well, let me tell you what didn’t work for me recently, and what did. Building emotional strength takes intentionality and practice. When I discovered that someone who once played a pivotal role in my life excluded me from something important (sorry to be so vague: protecting the […]
Connecting to Deeper Needs
We often think we know what we want, but don’t. Connecting to deeper needs in any given situation can be game-changing. Recently, I asked my 15-year old daughter to help me take some photos for a project; I needed at least two people to make it work. I planned the time, set the date, reminded […]
Speak or Stay Silent?
When should we say something? It’s not always easy to know when to speak up for something you believe in, and when it might be wiser to remain silent. Recently I took my daughter “home” to visit the Egyptian side of her family, in Egypt. Upwards of 30 extended family members and friends gathered in […]
One-Up, One-Down? Try One-With
When someone challenges, disagrees with or contradicts you, how do you respond? Does your body tighten-up or gear-up? Do you withdraw, feel shame, get resentful, self-silence? Do you get more activated and engaged and begin to prove your point, bring in evidence, debate and argue the issue? Do you begin avoiding that person or do you start educating and advising them? One of the keys to personal […]
Stop Judging Your Judgments: Do This Instead
Whenever we are stuck and suffering, we get ensnared by victim mentality: an intricate collection of judgmental thinking patterns that we inherited from our cultures and upbringing. This inner part of us gets caught up in complaining, fault-finding, gossiping and worrying. And, the more we feed this part of ourselves, the more we harm ourselves […]
Recovering from Reactivity
As I was walking across a parking lot, carrying a package to a UPS store, a man passed me walking towards his car. Moments later, he yelled back at me, with some hostility, “Hey lady, do you think you could park any closer to my car?” I turned around, embarrassed, and headed back to my car. “I’m so […]
Too Emotional? Are You Sure?
Working with some educational leaders recently on improving schools, someone remarked,“The problem is simply that many of our teachers are just too emotional.” Years of experience hearing comments like this in schools and companies has taught me to slow down and ask more questions. “What do you mean by “too emotional”? What are they saying […]
This Daily Practice Works Wonders
I recently asked a team of leaders what I could work on to become even more effective in my work with them. You know what they told me? They wanted to be held more accountable to the insights they were developing. One person elaborated, saying she loved the insights she was getting during our coaching time, but […]
Rock that Boat (with Empathy).
This week I rocked the boat by setting some new boundaries with people I love. I asked for what I wanted, knowing it would be counter-cultural. It wasn’t easy. I was scared. Normally, I’d just manage the conflict internally, and not “get real” with myself or others about what I actually wanted. I’d tell myself […]