How to Dissolve Self-Judgment

by | Mar 12, 2024 | Inner Work, Personal Growth, Uncategorized

On the latest episode of my podcast, a theme wove itself through the various situations that people wanted to talk about:  How to work with judgments that arise in our relational spaces.  

One person explored how to be gentler with herself, while another person dove into the nuanced differences between curiosities, discernments and judgments.  

These are the kinds of life-enriching conversations that happen so often during many of my calls.

When you listen to the conversations on this week’s episode, you’ll hear us explore answers to these questions:  

(3:17) How do I deal with freezing when I want to stand up for someone or myself?
(14:38) How do I increase my self-compassion and decrease self-judgment?
(22:34) What questions could I ask to avoid intellectualizing and instead get in touch with my emotions?
(30:37) How do I find an empathy partner?
(37:55) How could we respond when our child shares a life change but only wants our agreement or positive reaction?
And if you’re interested in some strategies to increase your own self-compassion and reduce your self-judgments, here are some steps you can try.  

4 Practical Steps for Dissolving Self-Judgment into Self-Compassion. 

  1. Make a list of all the judgmental thoughts you have about yourself.  This will help to separate you from them and help you dis-identify from the judgments.​
  2. Distinguish whose voice is behind these judgmental thoughts.  Is it a parent?  A sibling?  A teacher?
  3. Investigate the feelings and needs ​that lie underneath the judgments.  By discovering what lies underneath the judgmental thoughts, you can create some self-compassion.
  4. Outsource the job of empathy to someone you trust, and share with them your process.  ​

Turning self-judgment into self-compassion offers a transformative pathway towards greater self-acceptance, resilience, and overall well-being.

And now it’s your turn … what helps you to dissolve self-judgments and to increase self-compassion and acceptance in your life?

I’d love to know.  Leave a comment below.


  1. Linda Kennedy

    I’d love to hear the podcast. Please would it be possible for you to link it? Kind Regards, Linda

    • Lynn Smith

      Thanks so much for the note, Linda. The link is now added!

  2. Jeff Haberer

    Yvette, This Question of resolving self-Judgement is one I have been working on, well probably most of my life Judgements of others also enters into this for me as well as self-judgement. .Based on my experieince and work with another trainer (Robert Gonzaales0, i have to say that your first step is most helpfu: writing down the Judgemental thoughts. What’s important about this for me,is that to write down the judgemental thoughts, I have to first “Notice” the thoughts. As I am learning and continue to experience, just noticing the thoughts and without taking any action is, in and of it self an act of self compassion. It may not seem like it at first, but if I resist the tendency to think about the judgement, and just “notice” and “recognize” it a s a thought, space is created is side me. I recocnize that there is something in me that is longing for something. I don’t have to figure this out, I just have to hold space for it. if this something wants to reveal itsself or submit to a label that’s great, but often i find it’s best to just NOtice the judgement and be with the longing energy in side me without a label. –this is my evolving practice, “Noticing” and I see it’s effects as my critical, Judging mind relaxes; probably because it is seen/heard. That seems to be what it so really wants. I try to stay away from analayzing what “triggered” me, or try to answer ?Why is this happening”. That only seems to open more judgement in me. Noticing, allowing, and eventually accepting is the path that seems to work for me.

  3. Suzann Long

    I very much like the question what helps me resolve self-judgment
    and transform it into self-compassion and acceptance. When it starts with a criticism of an other then there are two resolutions needed. Fortunately lately both are impacted by remembering Yvette’s words about what will help make the world a better place for all people. Thank you Yvette.

  4. Josie schmidt

    I keep a special journal that i wrote only celebrations and quotes frim others that are loving and that describe the things about me that they cherish. When i get lopsided in my view of myself and cant remember the good in me, i open it and read until my negativity shifts. I have 4 journals full right now. 🙂


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