Many people underestimate the power of learning how to vent effectively. However, when used effectively, it can actually be a way of reclaiming and reconnecting with ourselves. Sometimes, venting is just a pathway to something deeper, and we understand it as a step in our awareness journey instead of as a the final destination. Venting with a trusted friend can allow us to get to the heart of what is hurting, without having to do the digging by ourselves. Learning how to vent effectively is a critical skill to learn so that we can process our experiences in healthy ways without harming others along the way.

Venting: A Path of Reclaiming

If you find yourself in cultures that emphasize positivity and happiness, and that train you to “not be so negative,” it can be a deliberate and intentional practice to welcome all emotions into your awareness without pushing them away. Your feelings and emotions are an essential part of your internal guidance system, and learning how to process those emotions in healthy ways will bring far more wisdom and vitality into your life.

So, what to do when the pressures of an experience have built up inside of you and want to be expressed and sorted through?  Here are three steps that will show you how to vent effectively instead of spreading negativity:

1. Surface All Information – behind the scenes:  Venting is a way of allowing your “rough draft” response to something to be expressed, seen and known so that you can harvest the message, the wisdom and the needs that you’re not yet in touch with.  When we feel the need to express ourselves, choose spaces and containers that are distant enough from the original event and people that you’re confident you’re not just looking for allies to gang up against  another person.   Use your journal, talk to a therapist, speak to someone who is removed from the situation and not directly impacted by the same person or circumstances.  Choose someone who has enough detachment that they are truly able to be there for you, instead of getting triggered themselves. What wants to be seen and heard from inside of yourself?  Give it room to talk.  
2. Search for the Heart of the Matter: As you express yourself, whether on paper or to someone else, keep your attention on your feelings and your needs.  Identify, name and acknowledge your feelings: You’re reclaiming them all as valuable parts of yourself.  Connect those feelings to the underlying needs: you’re reclaiming what matters to you.  Perhaps you’re feeling vulnerable because you want more safety in a particular situation?  Perhaps you’re feeling indignant because you want to be treated with dignity and respect in a situation?  What matters to you at the heart of this “upset”?  
3. Look for What Would Help? As you talk it out or write it out, gently nudge yourself in the direction of what would help, instead of getting stuck in the stories about what is wrong.  Turn down the volume on the part of you that might be enjoying the drama, feeding the outrage, and creating enemy images of others.  Instead, remind yourself that you an empowered, loving and wise being looking for a new way in an old pattern – and bring the new thing that you are longing for.  In this way, venting becomes a pathway to your wisdom instead of a trap into negativity.

In this week’s episode, we’ll explore the importance of venting well. Listen to the entire episode or check out the answers to these questions:

• 4:29:  Can I use NVC if there is no trust?
• 21:47:  How do I vent effectively?

What are your best strategies for how to vent effectively?  I’d love to know.  Leave a comment below.