Balancing the Polarities of Self-Acceptance and Self-Improvement

by | Oct 23, 2023 | Healthy Relationships

“Out beyond the ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing, there is a field.  I will meet you there.” 
Rumi
I was reminded of this quote recently while thinking about the ease with which we tend to speak in terms of right and wrong or good and bad.

While it can be easy to get stuck in self-talk, like “I’ll never be the person I want to be” or it’s opposite, “They should change, not me,” wisdom lies in the field between self-acceptance and self-improvement.

This was a theme on the podcast last week, Emotional Resilience: Fear, Self-blame, Self-acceptance and Self-improvement.
Want to skip to a particular section? Here are the show notes:

[1:01] How to regulate your nervous system to  find safety when triggered
[7:02] What is nervous system re-regulation?
[9:32] Why should you not empathize with fear states?
[13:01] How to reframe fault and blame in a divorce situation?
[16:49] Role-playing to learn how to explore conflicting feelings about the divorce
[25:32] How to handle self-blame in the divorce situation
[28:44] What is radical acceptance and self-improvement, and what does it mean to keep them in balance?
[30:13] What resources discuss blame and judgment being developmentally appropriate for children?
[37:25] How do you break the unhealthy attachment to comfort in chaos?
[43:28] How do you receive nurturing support from your community?
[46:30] Finding solace in shared experiences and empathic connection
[50:39] How do you teach someone how to be with you?
[56:26] Outro


Are you longing to move out of dualistic thinking into more balanced and integrated frameworks?  Sign up for my Polarities Masterclass.

I also talk about these concepts and skills in a variety of blog posts, including:

And in this YouTube clip, (recorded 2 years ago, but so relevant for today!) I discuss the cultural enforcement of the domination model in our conversations and interactions, and what we can do about.
How are you balancing polarities in these tumultuous times?  I’d love to know.  Leave a comment below.

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