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Keys to Nonviolent Listening

by | Oct 17, 2023 | Healthy Relationships, Nonviolent Communication

I’ve been receiving such rich feedback from you all regarding the listening quiz I created, and it’s given rise to deeper reflections about what it really means to listen in nonviolent ways.

Marshall would say that when we listen nonviolently, that it’s impossible to hear any verbal attacks.  Instead, by placing our attention on the underlying feelings and needs at play in any given situations, we’re able to see through their tragic strategy of blame and shame, and not take things so personally.

We are able to listen for the meaning in what other people are trying to say, and stop getting so hooked by how they say it, or the unskillful words they are using.

Although we may long for others to be more skillful, our well-being is no longer dependent upon others saying things differently.  It’s enough for us to simply translate the judgments into the underlying feelings and needs.

In this week’s podcast, we revisit last week’s conversation about faux feelings by answering some more nuanced questions that extend the earlier discussion. Then, we dive into a rich conversation about nonviolent listening.

Interested in learning more?  Listen to the entire podcast.

Want to jump to the good parts?  Here are the show notes:

[0:00] Intro
[1:24] What is the impact of accusatory language
[8:31] How do you communicate clearly without triggering defensiveness?
[13:30] How to flip the  mindset and meet boundaries
[15:15] Non-violent listening and fostering connection in conversations
[19:56] Exploring systems and dynamics of self-protection
[29:52]  What two key things distort our perceptions?
[32:30] How do you stay non-violent when listening?
[35:12] How to choose growth vs. acceptance in relationships
[38:23] The reason we often stay too long in miserable relationships
[40:15] Switching therapists for different perspectives
[41:36] How do you disengage from someone being aggressive?
[46:06] How to know if a feeling is real
[48:11] How do you achieve a connection with another person?
[51:29] Outro

Looking for more blog posts on listening nonviolently?  Check this one out:

Listening from the Heart

How can you listen from the heart?  I’d love to know.  Leave a comment below!


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