Coercion never works. So what does?

by | Oct 3, 2023 | Dismantling Domination Systems, Power Dynamics, Systemic Change

A type of question I hear all the time revolves around the idea of getting someone else to change.

How can I get my husband do the dishes?

How can I get my son to do his homework on time?

Why does my mom always insist on telling me how to parent?

And believe me, if the answer truly lived outside of us, someone would have discovered it by now.

But the truth is, the best way to help people change is by helping people get more connected to themselves.

When people give or change from a place of natural authenticity and deep alignment with themselves, it’s real, it’s lasting, and most importantly–no one pays the heavy price that comes with coercion.  

Change – how we go to bat for the circumstances we want to alter in our lives–is a primary theme in this week’s podcast.

Want to listen?  Check it out here.

Want to skip to the good parts?  Here are the show notes:

Show notes:
[1:10] The difference between coerced and natural giving
[7:36] How does natural giving sound like when talking to another person
[12:54] How do you tell someone when what they need from you will harm you, and to find another solution?
[14:43] How do you verbalize that it’s okay to say yes or no to your ask?
[19:15] Someone shares that they did what bothers them to another person
[22:14] How to honor your feelings and needs when you’re with your mother
[33:50] Where to get help on dealing with family systems and begin healing
[36:03] How to handle bullies
[44:43] How to have clarity on what you can and cannot change, and conflict avoidance
[46:54] How to address shame and rebuild relationships
[53:48] Outro

Looking for more articles on natural giving and how people create natural, lasting change?  Check these out:

What Motivates Change?

How do Systems Change?

Three Things to Know if You Want to Change the World

Have an interesting comment about coercion or natural giving?  I’d love to know.  Leave a comment below!


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