Coerced giving is too expensive a substitute for the real thing.   When people give or change from a place of natural authenticity, it's real, it's lasting, and most importantly--no one pays the heavy price that comes with coercion.

A type of question I hear all the time revolves around the idea of getting someone else to change.

How can I get my husband do the dishes?

How can I get my son to do his homework on time?

Why does my mom always insist on telling me how to parent?

And believe me, if the answer truly lived outside of us, someone would have discovered it by now.

But the truth is, the best way to help people change is by helping people get more connected to themselves.

When people give or change from a place of natural authenticity and deep alignment with themselves, it’s real, it’s lasting, and most importantly–no one pays the heavy price that comes with coercion.  

Change – how we go to bat for the circumstances we want to alter in our lives–is a primary theme in this week’s podcast.

Want to listen?  Check it out here.

Want to skip to the good parts?  Here are the show notes:

Show notes:
[1:10] The difference between coerced and natural giving
[7:36] How does natural giving sound like when talking to another person
[12:54] How do you tell someone when what they need from you will harm you, and to find another solution?
[14:43] How do you verbalize that it’s okay to say yes or no to your ask?
[19:15] Someone shares that they did what bothers them to another person
[22:14] How to honor your feelings and needs when you’re with your mother
[33:50] Where to get help on dealing with family systems and begin healing
[36:03] How to handle bullies
[44:43] How to have clarity on what you can and cannot change, and conflict avoidance
[46:54] How to address shame and rebuild relationships
[53:48] Outro

Looking for more articles on natural giving and how people create natural, lasting change?  Check these out:

What Motivates Change?

How do Systems Change?

Three Things to Know if You Want to Change the World

Have an interesting comment about coercion or natural giving?  I’d love to know.  Leave a comment below!

Share this post

Dr. Yvette Erasmus is a clinical psychologist, author, and host of the podcast Conversations from the Heart. Through her integrated approach to personal transformation, she has built a global community, teaching people how to live into their values with courage and authenticity.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Posts

Boundaries
#133 How to Help Our Kids (And Ourselves) Do Hard Things
A practical companion to Ep 133 of Conversations from the Heart Most of us want to help our children (and ourselves) grow into strong, confident, ...
Read more
Inner Work
#132 The Art of Softening a Walled-Up Heart: Practical Ways to Reopen to Love
Softening a walled-up heart isn’t about tearing down our defenses, but learning how to meet them with curiosity, compassion, and the courage to stay present.
Read more
Feelings
#131: When Anger Drives: Practical Ways to Stay Connected Instead of Afraid
Anger doesn’t need to be feared or suppressed; when we learn to meet it with curiosity, movement, and care, it can become a doorway to ...
Read more
Systemic Change
#130: Understanding Stigma: How Judgment Replaces Empathy in Modern Culture
When we equate human worth with productivity, stigma becomes inevitable. This episode unpacks how judgment toward disability and dependence is shaped by cultural conditioning—and how ...
Read more

Unlock Your Free Intro Course with Dr. Yvette

Unlock powerful strategies that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and genuine connection.

Intro Course Packets
6x