Even though anger is not the same thing as aggression, I often find myself tensing up around anger as if it is synonymous with aggression. I still consciously remind myself that it, in fact, is not.
Anger, is the 30 second to 2 minute “whoooooosh” of activation that arises in our emotional bodies when we perceive a threat to something that matters to us – our personal well-being, our boundaries, our safety, our values or the beliefs we’ve attached our sense of identity to.
In short, anger is protective.
It tells us what we stand for.
Where our boundaries are.
What matters to us.
What we’re attached to.
What we’re identified with.
What we are willing to fight for.
When we can simply feel the feeling, get ourselves connected to our deep needs, desires and values, and then get clear on what we are wanting and what next step might effectively move us in the direction of getting what we’re needing, the anger converts into energy for constructive action.
However, when we feel anger and instantly start looking for who or what is wrong, we are in trouble. The moment that we start down the slippery slope of “who’s wrong,” or what “should or shouldn’t” have happened, we fuel our righteousness, our indignation and our desire to control other people and outcomes.
Feeling anger is one thing; turning it into aggression and the “right” to hurt others is something completely different.
April’s membership topic is a deeper dive into Anger, and if you’re not part of my membership program yet, you can always sign up this week to start up with us next Monday!
And in the meantime, if you’d like to learn more, here you go:
How to deal with depression, anxiety and anger
Does this resonate? I’d love to know. Please leave a comment below.
One Response
This article gives me a better understandng of an exchange I recently had with an adult daughter……Both of us are working on expressing our needs..after a lifetime of supresing the. thoughts around them. I CONTRIBUTED WHAT I THOUGHT WAS A “SKILLFULL REQUEST”.I WASNT ANGRY, NOR HAD THERE BEEN ANY DISAGREEMENTS PRIOR IN OUR CONVERSATION…..MY DAUGHTER TOTALLY EXPLODED………BRINGING UP OTHER MEMBERS OF FAMILY WHO have guilted people into doing things……………………………………………… .Now, I understand I had crossd a boundary. WITHOUT THIS WORK……..ITWOULD BE STUCK SOLID IN THAT EXCHANGE…………..WITH OPTIMISM, I WILL GIVE IT A DIFFERENT SOUND AND INTENT…………….