Goldilocks Discomfort

by | Nov 29, 2016 | Personal Growth


Communication practice is a lot like going to the gym and lifting weights.   I can see the skills I want to learn, to internalize, to strengthen, but I seriously don’t always enjoy exerting the effort.

I want more Ease. Simplicity. Competence.  Sometimes, speaking from a more conscious and compassionate place just feels like too much damn effort.

When I am not practicing regularly, however, I default to my same old unconscious and self-protective fight-flight-freeze responses.  I get irritable, express my brittle judgments and speak with more curtness than I like.

Heavy sigh.

In moments like these, I am grateful for soul-friends who remind me of the power of my intentions, of choosing my response and of strategic discomfort.  

I can choose to connect with someone else instead of continuing to engage in old, self-sabotaging control tactics. I can intend kindness, grace and love.  Even if my delivery isn’t perfect. Yet.

I can choose my response at any moment: to engage or disengage; to speak or be silent; to empathize with another or to ask for empathy and support for myself.

I remind myself: every decision I make is my best attempt to meet deeply important needs of mine.  I am just constantly learning. 

And, I remind myself – gently – that powerful learning happens when I am just a little bit uncomfortable, but not completely flooded and stressed out.

Aim for “Goldilocks Discomfort”:  not too little, not too much, but just right.

So, just to keep things fun, I made you a short video this week on these very concepts!  

You can listen to the entire 40 minutes on how to apply NVC to charged (sometimes political) conversations, here (scroll down to the end of the page – this clip is from the very last one!)

Short and Sweet.

Join me in bringing more empathy, acceptance, and service into the world. Relationships are the foundation of well-being.

Learning a new way of communicating, relating and being in the world takes intentionality and effort. It is not easy.  If you ever feel like you could use some community and support, please don’t hesitate to drop into practice group on Wednesday mornings!


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