As someone who is deeply invested in healing, self-development and human transformation,, I can sometimes approach my own healing and personal growth with a very goal-oriented, linear lens towards some kind of “progress.” 

In these moments, it helps me to remember that it doesn’t matter how much work I’ve done on myself, that it will never be done – and, that’s kind of the point.  

Just because I’ve been in some sort of therapy and healing work of my own for most of my life, and just because I’ve completed countless trainings, certifications and degrees, and just because I have loads of insights and ideas about how people work and can intellectualize and rationalize pretty much any internal distress  – I still don’t get to bypass my actual, on the ground, lived human experience on a daily basis.

We don’t heal, and grow, in order to escape our lives. 

We heal, learn and grow, so that we can fully experience our lives.  

All of it.  

I have insecurities at times. 

I worry about things at 3am and sleep restlessly.

I can get frustrated and irritable when things don’t run smoothly on any given day. 

I get triggered, and need to consciously soothe myself and re-regulate my nervous system.  

Old patterns and fears resurface and re-emerge for yet another layer of presence, feeling and healing.  

We don’t heal and grow so that we can bypass our daily lived human experiences, but rather so that we can be in a compassionate, non-violent, loving relationship with ourselves no matter what wants to arise into our awareness to be seen, heard and transformed.  

Hold space for yourself, no matter what is arising. 

Give yourself love and compassion so that you can self-soothe and regulate your nervous system.  

Work with yourself, as you are. 

Welcome what is arising, even the distress and discomfort.  

All that work you’ve done on yourself has been to help you be IN your life more fully, to feel it all more fully, to be in a deeper relationship with yourself and your life, to be engaged and participatory in whatever is arising … not to escape it or bypass it.  

It’s not a place we arrive at. 

We don’t graduate into a life that suddenly doesn’t bring up our “stuff.” 

So, if you’ve been feeling frustrated in your practice and like you’ll never “arrive” or “be healed” or be “better,” like you’ve been working so hard and aren’t seeing any results, 

Welcome. This is life.

We develop a daily practice of loving ourselves and others.

We make it a daily habit to show up for ourselves and others in loving, conscious ways.  

It’s a daily relationship that we cultivate with ourselves and others, a daily practice.

If you’re looking for some tools to help with your personal growth journey, here’s a video with some tips for how to deal with emotional pain, and here’s a blog entry with ideas on how to build personal capacity.

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