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On a recent live podcast call, a listener shared their frustration and fear around experiencing racial bias at work. This situation highlighted the challenges of trying to effect change from a position of lesser power. The stakes are high, and it’s crucial to navigate these situations thoughtfully.

Whenever I question whether nonviolence “works,” I recall the words of Theodore Roszak: “People try nonviolence for a week, and when it doesn’t ‘work,’ they go back to violence, which hasn’t worked for centuries.”

When we haven’t yet experienced the transformative power of nonviolence, we tend to habitually fall into one of two extremes: Either we default to punitive, shaming, divisive and violent boundary setting or we give up with people-pleasing, obsequious and impotent forms of so-called empathy. Neither of these work.

Approaching situations with a spirit of nonviolence isn’t just about avoiding conflict or increasing empathy; it’s a powerful tool for raising awareness about injustices and inspiring effective action. When we criticize, demand, or act righteously, we inadvertently perpetuate the very systems of domination we’re trying to change.

So, Does Nonviolence Work?

Absolutely. In fact, it is the only thing that has the power to transform instead of repeat the past.

When navigating discrimination or any form of injustice—especially from a vulnerable position—it’s essential to use a combination of Protective Use of Force and an Empathic Relational Stance. This approach boils down to two main tasks: Setting Boundaries and Leading with Care.

Below, I am first going to offer you some practical guidelines that can help protect your well-being and potentially drive meaningful change within the system when you are trying to change things from a “power-under” position. These apply to situations which any kind of discrimination is happening, and also to situations where you may be dealing with a narcissistic boss. Let’s find the courage and commitment to Rock the Boat.

After that, we explore how to infuse those steps with relational nonviolence, outlining some of the principles of Nonviolent Communication as you work with the other people in the system.

Asking for Change from the Power-Under Position: Practical Considerations

1. Prioritize your own safety and well-being. Consider the potential consequences of speaking out, including possible retaliation or impact on your career. Seek support by reaching out to trusted colleagues, mentors, or external support networks who can offer guidance and support.

2. Document your experiences. Keep detailed records of instances of racial bias, including dates, times, people involved, and the nature of the incidents. This can be useful if you decide to escalate the issue. Save relevant emails, messages, or any other evidence that supports your experiences.

3. Leverage Aspects of the System that Currently Define Your Rights and Resources: Familiarize yourself with your workplace’s policies on discrimination and harassment, as well as relevant laws and regulations. Identify internal resources, such as HR, employee resource groups (ERGs), or diversity and inclusion officers, who might be able to offer assistance or guidance. If necessary, seek legal advice to understand your options and protections under the law. Connect with community organizations or advocacy groups that support individuals facing discrimination and can offer resources or guidance.

4. Find Allies and Choose Your Battles: Identify and connect with others who may share similar experiences or concerns. A collective voice is often stronger than an individual one. Determine which issues are most important to address and where you can potentially make a difference without compromising your safety or job security.

5. Report Concerns and Seek Support and Policy Change: Use formal channels like HR or grievance procedures to report incidents of racial bias. Be clear and factual in your communication. If needed, consider requesting mediation or facilitated dialogue to address issues with colleagues or supervisors. Share information about the impact of racial bias and the importance of diversity and inclusion. This can be done through ERGs, internal communications, or informal discussions. Advocate for policies and practices that promote fairness and inclusivity, such as bias training, diversity recruitment efforts, or anonymous reporting mechanisms.

6. Create a Safety Net and Escape Valve for Yourself: If the environment is particularly toxic and unresponsive to change, consider whether it is in your best interest to remain in the organization or seek opportunities elsewhere. Strengthen your professional network, both within and outside your current organization, to explore new opportunities and support systems.

Infusing these Steps with a Spirit of Nonviolence

If we seek to transform systems and help them work better for all people, one of our first internal practices involves dropping the enemy images that we have of the other side, and seeing the humanity inside of everyone.
Policies and practices need to be protective of all beings – including the oppressor, torturer, murder – because that’s the only path to collective healing.

Empathy needs to be authentic, grounded, powerful and present. Often our own unresolved fear and pain gets in the way of our being able to truly embody either of these, and so, most likely we all have some intensive personal growth work to do in our collective journeys towards effective action.

As we walk through some of the more practical, external steps listed above, we also have a chance to practice shifting our own consciousness, drawing from the tools and structures provided by Nonviolent Communication:

The Inner Work of Nonviolence

1. Getting Ready: Internal Resourcing

• Drop your enemy images
• Get into a place of curiosity
• Fill up with empathy for your own perspective from others so that you can hold it lightly when you are in a triggering conversation
• See the other party’s humanity and divinity
• Open your heart: your body will tell you when you are ready
• Once I am feeling open, curious, resourced and able to see this “other” as a human being like me, then I could move to the second stage.

2. Engage in Dialogue (not debate!)

• Stage One: Building a Relationship
• Listen deeply: what feelings and needs are alive in this person?
• Reflect their perspective back to them
• Ask about what is deeply important to them
• Seek places of similarity and connectedness: highlight and emphasize these
• Reflect back to them where you share concerns, share values, share vision
• Remind yourself: you are not engaged in a power struggle, but rather a learning process that has the potential to benefit everyone
• As Michael Nagler reminds us, “The more you respect the humanity of your opponent, the more effectively you can oppose his or her injustice.”

Stage Two: Engaging in Problem Solving

• Express your own feelings and needs, talk about what you value and what is deeply important to you
• Express agreement with whatever feels authentic to you (we both value freedom, we both value safety and community, belonging)
• Invite them to think together with you about places where you diverge
• Use “we,” “our” and “us” more often than “you” vs “me”
• Remember: this person is not the problem. It’s not me against you, but you and me against this problem
• If they keep expressing a particular triggering belief of strategy, ask yourself: what deep needs of theirs may be met by believing this or wanting this? Keep your attention on what is important to them, and painful for them
• Demonstrate your underlying commitment to serve the wellbeing of all, including the person you are talking to
• Stay proactive and concrete, not theoretical. Propose possible solutions instead of analyzing wrongness and badness in each other’s positions. “What if we…”

To close, I’d love to share a story told by Michal Nagler in his book The Nonviolence Handbook: A Guide for Practical Action:

“Consider my friend David Hartsough, now a famous peace activist, hen a 15 year old white person sitting in at a lunch counter in Virginia to break racial discrimination. After a day and a half without food, he was suddenly pulled off his stool and throated by an enraged white man who helps a huge knife to his chest and snarled, “Well, N— lover, you have one minute to get out before I run this into your heart.” David stayed calm (he had been reciting the Lord’s Prayer to himself for hours on end.) Trying to meet the man’s eyes despite the hatred in them, he heard himself saying, “Brother, you do what you feel you have to, but I’m going to try to love you no matter what.” After a long moment, the knife began to tremble. Then the man slowly dropped his hand and walked out the lunch room. Onlookers noticed he was in tears.”

Transformative social change does not happen with magic bullets and quick fixes. It results from a consistent effort and a life-long commitment to both the inner and outer work of compassion and nonviolence.

Join us on the podcast this week, as we explore a challenging conversation at work, involving implicit bias and race. We look at:

6:57 The upside of anger and how to work with it skillfully
7:47 The importance of knowing what you WANT to say
11:10 “Why is this happening?”
13:04 “I’m scared I’ll get fired”
21:09 Addressing issues from the power-under position

If you like the podcast, please consider leaving me a rating and a review so that I can support more people like you, looking to have open-hearted, honest and authentic conversations with others. Go to the episode, tap to rate with five stars, and select “Write a Review.” Please be sure to let me know what you loved most about the episode!

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