When we surrender to something, we let go of trying to control the uncontrollable.  We stop trying to force and coerce other people, ourselves or life itself to show up according to our preferences and projections.  We make an inward turn, towards “working-with,” instead of “working-against.”  

Surrender is active wisdom.  A conscious choice, born out of a recognition of our true place in the wider dance of life.  Surrender invites us to inhabit a place of non-resistance, to practice patience. When we surrender, we reclaim our energy and allow it to build up again inside of ourselves.  We stop swimming upstream. We see the folly of trying to harness hurricanes. We relax, and focus on keeping our balance on the galloping, runaway horse and we wait to see where the ride ends.

Submission, on the other hand, is about losing a fight and putting ourselves aside for the moment. We concede.  Our energy drains out of us. Leaking and defeated, we are exhausted, tired, and giving-up. We may tell ourselves, “it’s not worth it…” and lose access to our ability to choose something more life-affirming. 

With submission, we lose a power-struggle.  

With surrender, we step out of the power struggle and into a new relationship with whatever is arising.  

With submission, we often feel resentful. Powerless. Helpless.  

When we surrender, we reclaim our energy, our intentions, our attention and make new choices.  

A key difference between these two experiences has to do with cultivating a certain quality of consciousness and choicefulness to bring to each moment.  

The moment we become self-aware, we have a moment of choice. 

And that moment of choice allows us to become co-creative with life.  

The tension and dissonance we feel in any given moment, opens the door for us to opportunities to choose what we want to bring forward from here.  

Have a thought you’d like to share?  I ‘d love to know!  Please leave a comment below.

Share this post

Dr. Yvette Erasmus is a clinical psychologist, author, and host of the podcast Conversations from the Heart. Through her integrated approach to personal transformation, she has built a global community, teaching people how to live into their values with courage and authenticity.

2 Responses

  1. I finally gave myself a chance to surrender. Took me about three months to really get the feel for it…wow. Im still getting it, but when I *Do* find myself surrender, experiencing the miracles of surrender, real miracles occur. So much is different. I feel called to start writing about it. Your spot, this article is the first I have come across that comes closest to expressing my experience so far. I had to write just acknowledge this.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Related Posts

set a boundary
Boundaries & Power
#171 How to Have a Backbone Instead of a Battle: How to Set a Boundary When You Can’t Just Walk Away
Setting boundaries when you can’t simply walk away can be challenging. Learn how to set a boundary, communicate your needs with clarity and compassion, stay ...
Read more
finding your ground in hard relationships
Relational Integrity
#170 Cactus and Orchid: Finding Your Ground in Hard Relationships
What happens when a relationship can’t meet you where you are? This piece explores finding your ground in hard relationships, whether you’re staying, leaving, or ...
Read more
why good people sometimes act in harmful ways
Trauma Repair & Healing
#169 Why Good People Sometimes Act in Harmful Ways
Have you ever wondered why good people sometimes act in harmful ways? Or what happens when we act in ways that don’t match who we ...
Read more
autonomy vs. connection
Relational Integrity
#168 Autonomy vs Connection: When You Feel Forced to Change
What happens when your partner asks for change, but it doesn’t feel like a choice? This post explores autonomy vs. connection, and the tension between ...
Read more

Unlock Your Free Intro Course with Dr. Yvette

Unlock powerful strategies that help you communicate with clarity, confidence, and genuine connection.

Intro Course Packets
6x