Working with people as they are is a foundational aspect of genuine and fulfilling relationships. But, it’s not always easy.
Sometimes I find myself wishing people were just … well, different.
I wish certain people were more organized, that some would be more empathetic, and that others would communicate with more awareness, compassion and care.
I wish they shared my values, my perspectives, my mindset.
However, while I know how tempting it is to try to get others to behave in ways that fit our idealized versions of who they “should” be, actually trying to mold others into our expectations is an exercise in frustration, disappointment, and ultimately damages relationships.
Instead, the real power and potential in our relationships with others lies in working with people as they are, accepting them as they are, and to then relate with them from that place of reality and authenticity.
Working with People as They Are Helps Us To …
Embrace Reality Over Idealism
We all know that people are complicated. We each come with our own set of experiences, quirks, and ways of looking at the world.
When we try to force someone to fit into our expectations, we’re not actually seeing them; we’re seeing a version of them that exists only in our heads, and this gets in the way of our truly understanding and appreciating who they are.
When we stop projecting our versions of who people “should” be onto them, and instead try to get to know people as they are in this moment – only then can we begin meeting everyone’s needs to be seen, known and accepted.
Build Trust and Authenticity
Have you ever felt like you have to be someone you’re not just to make someone else happy?
It’s exhausting, right?
Just imagine how the people in our lives may be feeling as a result of our expectations.
When we allow others to show up as themselves, flaws and all, we create a space where authenticity thrives.
We stop demanding that they change and start appreciating the unique qualities they bring to the table.
This kind of acceptance builds trust and allows relationships to deepen in ways that simply aren’t possible when we’re trying to control or change the other person.
Discover Empathy and Understanding
Remember, everyone is on their own journey, and we can never fully know the challenges, fears, or motivations that someone else carries with them.
When we try working with people as they are, we create conditions where empathy can thrive.
Instead of seeing their behaviors as problems to be fixed, we start to ask, “What’s really going on here?”
We become more curious, more compassionate, and better equipped to support others in a way that feels genuine and respectful.
And often, it’s this empathy that paves the way for real growth—both in them and in us.
Reduce Conflict and Frustration
I used to find myself getting frustrated when people didn’t act the way I thought they should.
I’d think, “Why can’t they just be more like this?” But the more I pushed, the more resistance I faced, and it created unnecessary tension.
It’s really only when I started letting go of those expectations that things changed and conflicts started to fade.
When we accept others as they are, we start to see that our differences don’t have to be sources of frustration; they can actually be opportunities to learn, grow, and find creative solutions together.
Support True Growth and Transformation
People are far more likely to grow and change once they feel accepted for who they are.
It sounds counterintuitive, but when we stop trying to push others into being what we want them to be, they are freer to discover who they want to be.
Instead of feeling pressured to meet our expectations, they start to explore their own potential, and that’s when real, lasting change happens.
We all want to change: but on our own terms, and for our own reasons – so, let’s make that easy for each other!
Embody a More Compassionate Way of Being
When we try working with people as they are, something shifts within us, too.
We become more compassionate, more open-minded, and more willing to embrace the diversity of human experience.
We start to see the beauty in the way others think, feel, and approach life, even if it’s different from our own way of being.
And in doing so, we contribute to creating a world that’s just a little bit kinder, more understanding, and more accepting.
One last clarification: working with people as they are does not mean we have to agree with everything they do or never set boundaries.
Instead, I’m just inviting you to approach your relationships with more curiosity, empathy, and respect.
I’m inviting you to let go of the desire to control others and instead, embrace the opportunity to connect with them in more meaningful ways.
You may just find that when you do that, you not only enrich the lives of those around you, but you may also find that your own life becomes richer, more fulfilling, and more aligned with who you truly are, too.
On episode 60 of the Conversations from the Heart Podcast, we dive into How To Work With People As They Are in more depth!
Here are some of the highlights from our call:
- 1:00 How can I make the implicit explicit?
- 12:00 It takes discipline to focus on what’s working
- 16:13 I feel exhausted and hurt by my sister’s behavior. How can I make it better?
- 22:09 What does a healthy relationship look like?
- 30:27 What open hearted boundaries can sound like
- 36:24 We get to choose who we let into our lives
If you’d like to read more on this topic, take a look at Working With Reality, As It Is.
What gets in the way of working with people as they are, for you? I’d love to know – Leave a comment below.
