What if you had skills for staying grounded and present when fielding someone else’s anger, hurt or indignation?

What if you could approach emotionally charged conversations without feeling overly injured or controlled by another’s feelings?

As we increase our emotional resilience and engage in our own growth and healing work, we are more and more able to stay present and engaged, even in the face of difficult emotions in ourselves and others.

In this blog, we’ll explore how we can work on staying grounded.  We’ll investigate how to relax and stay skillful in the face of others’ strong emotions, using Alexia and Katherine’s stories from podcast Episode 72 as real-life examples.  If you haven’t had a chance to listen yet, you might want to do so now, and come back here for my follow-up tips on how to show up with presence, care, and curiosity—skills that we can all practice to navigate challenging conversations with more ease.

 The Power of Relaxation and Presence

Key Point: Interested in staying grounded?  Take a deep breath and pause when emotions arise.

When faced with emotionally charged situations, our natural response is often to react immediately. But pausing can give us the space to respond intentionally instead of impulsively. For Alexia, who is frustrated by her friend’s constant phone use during youth group meetings, a good starting point is self-awareness.

She might ask herself: “What am I feeling right now, and what do I need?” By taking a deep breath and staying grounded in her values, she can approach the conversation with clarity rather than frustration.

Suggested Dialogue:
Before the conversation: “Okay, I’m feeling frustrated because I value focus and connection in our group. I’ll take a breath and approach this with care.”

Practice pausing for three deep breaths whenever you feel triggered. It’s a simple yet powerful tool to reset your emotions and regain perspective.

Shift from Reactivity to Curiosity

Key Point: Ask questions to understand the other person’s perspective.

When someone’s behavior frustrates or hurts us, it’s easy to make assumptions about their intentions. Instead, shifting to curiosity can open up a pathway for connection and understanding. Alexia’s friend, for example, might use her phone to self-regulate anxiety or stay focused in her own way. Instead of assuming the behavior is thoughtless, Alexia could ask:  “I noticed you’re often on your phone during our meetings. I’m curious—does it help you stay focused or manage something else?”

Replace assumptions with open-ended questions. Here’s a new go-to for you: “Can you help me understand why this is important to you?”

Emotions aren’t Threats

Key Point: Other people’s feelings aren’t attacks—they’re expressions of their inner world.

Katherine, who is navigating her adult daughter’s anger during therapy, illustrates this point beautifully. Her daughter’s frustration isn’t about Katherine’s worth as a parent—it’s about unmet needs and unresolved pain. By reframing her daughter’s outburst, Katherine can stay present without internalizing blame, and say something like, “It sounds like you’re saying you felt unsupported and alone during those times. That must have been so hard for you … what can I say or do now that would help?”

Remind yourself: “Their emotions are theirs, and tell me about their experiences – not my worth. I’m taking in the impact things had, and don’t need to go into shame about myself. I can feel and discharge any regrets I might have while remembering that I am a loving, good parent.”

Set Compassionate Boundaries

Key Point: Protect your emotional energy while staying engaged.

Boundaries are not about shutting people out—they’re about creating clarity and safety for everyone involved. Alexia might set a boundary by addressing the group dynamic by saying,  “I understand your phone helps you in some ways, but it’s hard for me to focus when I see it in our meetings. Could we agree to a time for phones to be put away?”

For Katherine, a compassionate boundary might sound like this,  “I hear what you’re saying, but I’m starting to feel overwhelmed. Can we pause so I can process this?”

Think of boundaries as honoring both your needs and the relationship.

Empathy is the Path to Connection

Key Point: Validate the feelings behind someone’s behavior.

Empathy doesn’t mean agreeing—it means understanding. Katherine can respond to her daughter’s anger with care by acknowledging the pain behind it,  “I hear that you felt neglected when I couldn’t meet your needs. I regret that you felt so alone, and I want to do better now.”

For Alexia, empathy might look like recognizing her friend’s perspective,  “Thanks for explaining how your phone helps you focus. That makes sense now, and I’d love to find a way to balance that with being fully present for the group.”

Validation fosters trust and helps the other person feel heard, even if you don’t agree with their actions.

Investigate Your Own Emotional Reactions

Key Point: Use challenging conversations as opportunities for self-awareness.

Alexia might reflect: “Why does my friend’s phone bother me so much? Is it tied to a deeper value I have about respect and attention?” Similarly, Katherine can explore her triggers: “Why do my daughter’s words hurt so much? Am I carrying guilt I need to release?”

Therapy and journaling are a great ways to uncover deeper triggers and values. Reflecting on what bothers you can help you respond with more clarity and self-awareness.

Trust the Long Game of Relationships

Key Point: Relationships take time to heal; focus on small wins.

For Katherine, the goal isn’t to resolve everything in one therapy session but to show consistent care and openness. The mindset might be “I’m here to listen, even if it’s uncomfortable. Healing happens in small steps.”

Patience is key. Trust that small, intentional efforts can lead to meaningful progress over time.

Remember, other people’s emotions aren’t yours to fix or fight. They’re windows into their inner world. By staying present, curious, and compassionate, you can turn tough conversations into opportunities for growth, while staying grounded.

The next time someone comes at you with anger or frustration, pause, take a breath, and ask yourself: “What’s their need? How can I stay curious instead of reactive?”

And, if you’d like to hear this all live in my conversation, I hope you’ll listen to Episode 72,  “How to Get Comfortable With People Being Upset With You” where you’ll hear the following:

• 2:00 How can I speak with a friend who’s always on her phone?
• 9:22 The key to a difficult conversation?  How to elicit more care for more people.
• 14:34 My daughter doesn’t want to spend time with me and is often mean.  What is a healthy response?
• 18:10 Can you hear the message and ignore the delivery?
• 21:59 Key practices when others are upset with us.

How are you practicing these tools? Which are the most challenging for you? Why?

I’d love to know; leave a comment below!