When it comes to protecting kids from bullying and fostering inclusive environments, we often encounter objections that dismiss or minimize the urgency of these issues.

Phrases like “Kids will be kids” or “You’re being too sensitive” can shut down conversations and prevent meaningful change.

These objections aren’t just casual remarks—they reflect deeper societal patterns, discomfort, and sometimes, a lack of awareness.

This week’s podcast episode, Episode 74: Protecting Kids from Bullying, dives into the complexities of ensuring immediate safety while addressing the root causes of harm.

Our conversation touches on themes of racism, emotional safety, and systemic bias, exploring how we can respond to these challenges with wisdom, kindness, and clarity.

If you’re looking for tools to create safer, more inclusive environments for children, this episode offers valuable insights.

We can move past harmful norms and outdated beliefs by nurturing a culture where every child feels safe, seen, and valued, and by focusing on some common objections or critiques that often come up when addressing these issues with wisdom, kindness, and clarity.

Common Objections and How to Respond

1. “Kids Will Be Kids. Bullying is Normal.”

Response:
Yes, children sometimes engage in rough play or exclusionary behavior as they learn to navigate social relationships. But when these behaviors are persistent, harmful, and tied to racial dynamics, it goes beyond just “kids being kids.” It reflects deeper societal patterns that children are absorbing and acting out. Normalizing this kind of behavior allows harm to continue unchecked. Instead, let’s focus on teaching children healthier, more inclusive ways to relate to one another. Let’s not settle for harmful “norms” when we can create better ones.

2. “Why Focus on Race? Isn’t This Just Bad Behavior?”

Response:
It’s understandable to want to see this as a simple case of misbehavior. But ignoring racial dynamics misses a critical part of the story. Research shows that Black children are often judged more harshly and given less benefit of the doubt than their white peers. Acknowledging race isn’t about creating division; it’s about shining a light on existing inequities so we can address them. Only by acknowledging these dynamics can we create a truly equitable environment for all children.

3. “Aren’t You Being Too Sensitive?”

Response:
When someone says a parent is being “too sensitive,” it often reflects their own discomfort and desire to avoid an uncomfortable reality. Sensitivity is not a flaw—it’s a strength. We need people who are attuned to harm, who care deeply about how things feel, and who use their empathy as a guide. If a child is waking up with nightmares and feeling the need to defend themselves, that’s a clear sign something is wrong. Dismissing this as “over-sensitivity” invalidates real harm and prevents us from addressing it.

4. “Talking About This Makes Me Uncomfortable.”

Response:
Discomfort is natural when confronting difficult truths. Instead of avoiding it, we can lean into it. Discomfort often signals growth, learning, and the challenging of old patterns. When we stay open to discomfort, we create space for change—not just for ourselves, but for the children who rely on us to make the world safer for them.

Practical Steps You Can Take

If this conversation resonates with you, here are some steps you can take to create safer and more inclusive spaces for all children—and for yourself.

1. Reflect on Your Community

• Notice how racial dynamics play out in your child’s school, playground, or community.
• Where do you see patterns of inclusion or exclusion?
• If you’re not a parent, consider your workplace or social circles. Where are these dynamics showing up, and where can you focus your attention and energy to create more inclusivity?

2. Engage in Conversations

• Talk with other parents, teachers, and administrators about creating safer spaces.
• Approach these conversations with curiosity and a spirit of collaboration.
• Remember, these dynamics don’t just disappear when children grow up—they continue into adulthood and workplaces.

3. Educate Yourself and Others

• Learn about concepts like implicit bias, adultification bias, and restorative justice.
• Share these resources with your community.
• These conversations aren’t about shame or blame—they’re about raising awareness and building compassion.

4. Support Parents and Children Facing These Issues

• If you see a parent advocating for their child, offer support.
• Ask genuine questions to understand their experience.
• Sometimes, knowing you have an ally can make all the difference.

5. Stay Open and Curious

• When you feel defensive or uncomfortable, pause and ask yourself why.
• What needs or fears are underlying those feelings?
• Being present with your emotions helps you hold space for others with greater empathy.

These conversations can be hard.

They ask us to confront discomfort, challenge old beliefs, and take responsibility for change.  But they also offer us a path to a more inclusive, compassionate world. One where every child—regardless of race, background, or identity—feels safe, seen, and valued.

Let’s keep showing up for that world.

One conversation, one action, and one moment of courage at a time.

In this week’s episode we meet Simone, who is wondering how to help end the bullying her son is experiencing at school.

Among Simone’s primary concerns is how to elicit more care for the bullying from not only the parents of the other child, but from the school community at large.

We discuss:

• 4:05 My son is being bullied at school and it feels racially charged.  How can I encourage all parties to care?
• 10:43 Who are the people with the power that need to engage first?
• 14:24 How can I determine my clear request?
• 18:38 A two-pronged approach:  changing people’s hearts AND changing systems.
• 20:13 Dreaming BIG: imagining a system that works for all people.

One of the most powerful themes in this conversation was the concept of “protective use of force”—acting to ensure immediate safety while also addressing the root causes of harm. For a deeper dive into that concept, check out episode #16 available in my podcast about The Protective Use of Force versus Punitive Use of Force. 

And for now, and let’s keep showing up for that world. One conversation, one action, and one moment of courage at a time.

Where do you struggle when trying to have new conversations about old problems?  I’d love to know!  Leave a comment below.