Practical Ways to Reopen to Love
A practical companion to Episode 132
Many of us don’t wake up one day and decide to close our hearts. It happens slowly over time as we encounter small disappointments, unresolved pain, criticism that lingers, and years of feeling unseen.
Over time, we call it “being careful” or “protecting ourselves,” but underneath the armor often lives a quiet longing for closeness.
In this week’s episode of Conversations from the Heart, we explore what it means to soften a heart that has learned to guard itself, and how to do so without abandoning boundaries or self-respect.
Here are some of the key takeaways, along with practical ways to bring them into your own life.
- Notice Your Body Before Engaging with Your Story
Softening begins with awareness. Although we often notice judgment, withdrawal, or silence first, the earliest signals are often physical: tension in the chest, tightness in the jaw, bracing in the shoulders.
Practice:
When you feel yourself reacting, pause and silently name it: I notice I’m tensing.
That simple acknowledgment often interrupts the automatic spiral and creates choice.
- Shift From Self-Criticism to Self-Curiosity
It’s tempting to judge ourselves for being defensive: Why am I still like this? I should know better by now. But judging our defenses only strengthens them.
Instead, meet them with curiosity.
Practice:
Ask gently:
What am I trying to protect right now?
What matters to me here?
Defenses soften when they feel understood rather than attacked.
- Choose Connection Over Control
A powerful distinction in the episode is between negative peace and authentic peace. Negative peace looks calm on the surface (no fighting, no drama) but underneath, nothing is being repaired.
Authentic peace includes pauses, awkward repairs, and honest attempts to reconnect.
Practice:
Experiment with small repairs instead of big conversations.
Try phrases like:
That didn’t come out the way I meant it, can I try again?
or
I’m noticing I’m getting guarded, and I want to stay connected.
- Let Softness Be an Act of Courage
Many of us learned that staying guarded is strength. This episode invites a reframe: softness is not weakness, it’s presence. Softening doesn’t mean tolerating harm; it means staying open while remaining grounded.
Practice:
When you feel the urge to withdraw, see if you can stay just 5% more present: one more breath, one moment longer, without forcing yourself beyond your capacity.
- Love the Parts That Are Still Learning
Softening is not a one-time breakthrough; it’s a lifelong practice. The guarded parts, the judgmental parts, the fearful parts, they all belong.
Practice:
Speak inwardly to yourself as you would to a child learning something new:
Of course this is hard. I’m still learning. I’m allowed to go slowly.
Over time, hearts don’t reopen because we push them. They reopen because they feel safe enough to melt.
If this topic resonates, our full episode offers a deeply compassionate, real-time exploration of how softening happens in long-term relationships and everyday moments.
