Learning how to set boundaries in relationships where your needs aren’t acknowledged can be challenging.

Whether it’s with friends, family, or colleagues, many of us find ourselves giving more than we receive, and feeling guilty when we try to take care of ourselves. In this post, I’ll walk through eight practical insights from a recent podcast conversation with Colleen, as she faces the tough decision to step back from a friendship that has become emotionally draining. I hope these insights help you reflect on your own relationships and offer tools as you set boundaries, find mutuality, and practice self-compassion.

1. Prioritize Your Own Needs—It’s Okay to Matter to Yourself.

One of the hardest but most essential lessons is that your needs matter, too. Prioritizing your well-being isn’t selfish—it’s a necessary part of healthy living. If you constantly put others first, you’ll eventually feel drained and resentful. Self-care means recognizing when it’s time to step back and tend to your needs.

Takeaway:
Ask yourself: What do I need right now to feel grounded and at peace? How can I honor that?

2. Boundaries Are Acts of Love—Not Guilt.

Setting boundaries can feel uncomfortable, especially if you’re used to prioritizing others. However, boundaries are essential acts of love—for yourself and the other person. They communicate: “This is what I can do, and this is what I can’t.” Healthy boundaries are not about being mean—they’re about respecting your limits.

Takeaway:
Practice saying “no” with kindness. Start with small moments—“I can’t do that right now, but I appreciate you asking.”

3. You Don’t Need to Make Someone Wrong to Justify Your Decision.

It’s easy to slip into blaming or judging others when we choose to prioritize ourselves. But you don’t need to make someone wrong to feel okay about your choice. It’s enough to say: “This relationship isn’t working for me right now.”

Takeaway:
Try saying: “I need to step back to take care of myself. This isn’t about you—it’s about what I need right now.”

4. Mutuality and Reciprocity Matter in Relationships.

Healthy relationships are built on mutual care and reciprocity—where both people take turns showing up for each other. When a relationship becomes one-sided, it can feel draining. It’s okay to expect mutual care in your relationships.

Takeaway:
Reflect on your relationships: Are they mutual? Do you feel valued and cared for in return? If not, what can you do to invite more balance?

5. Letting Go Can Be an Act of Love—For Both of You.

Sometimes, letting go is the kindest thing you can do for yourself and the other person. When relationships no longer serve either party, stepping back creates space for both people to grow in their own way.

Takeaway:
Letting go isn’t abandonment—it’s an act of trust and respect for each person’s journey.

6. Boundaries Are About Actions, Not Just Words.

Sometimes, we need to do more than just talk about setting boundaries—we need to follow through with actions. Blocking someone or taking a break from communication can be a necessary step to protect your peace. Just make sure you’re acting from self-care, not frustration.

Takeaway:
Communicate your boundaries clearly: “I need some space right now to focus on myself.”

7. Old Patterns Might Resurface—And That’s Okay.

Setting boundaries can trigger old fears and patterns—especially if you’ve experienced punishment or rejection in the past for saying no. This is normal. It’s important to recognize when old patterns are showing up and gently remind yourself that it’s safe to take care of yourself now.

Takeaway:
When fear arises, pause and remind yourself: “I am safe now. I’m allowed to take care of myself.”

8. Balance Self-Acceptance with Growth.

Growth happens when we hold both self-acceptance and a desire to improve. It’s okay to look back and say, “I did the best I could with what I had.” At the same time, you can stay curious: “What can I learn from this experience to do it differently next time?”

Takeaway:
Self-compassion and growth go hand in hand. Give yourself grace while staying open to learning and improvement.

Colleen’s story reminds us that setting boundaries, prioritizing ourselves, and letting go of unbalanced relationships are all part of the journey toward emotional well-being. The most important thing is to honor your needs without guilt and trust that healthy relationships will support your growth and self-care. Remember: You matter. Your well-being matters. And you are allowed to make choices that align with your values.

Thank you for reading! I hope these insights resonate with you and offer some helpful tools for navigating your own relationships. If this topic speaks to you, I invite you to  listen to the full episode and reflect on how you can apply these principles in your life.  We discuss:

• 1:00  Looking for an in-person opportunity to work with me?  Consider attending my retreat!
• 3:24  A follow up conversation – “I had that hard conversation with my friend…”
• 8:08  What needs of yours did you meet by changing your plan?
• 10:12  A part of me wants to make her “wrong”
• 15:26  We can’t do the hard work of waking up for someone else.
• 21:31  A script for disconnecting non-violently
• 25:52  The practice of somatic healing
• 28:37  The polarity between self-improvement and self-acceptance
• 8 Practical Strategies

Interested in reading more?  Discover The Two Main Differences Between Boundaries and Requests.

Setting boundaries is hard.  Where do you get stuck?  I’d love to know.  Leave a comment below.