This week on Episode 81 of the podcast, I had deeply meaningful conversations with Carol and Jen that reminded me how powerful and necessary it is to unlearn the beliefs and habits that no longer serve us.

For me, their stories highlighted how many of our daily struggles, from setting boundaries to overcoming self-doubt, have been shaped by the systems we’ve internalized. Together, we explored how noticing our moments of unlearning work not only transforms our own lives but also ripples outward, creating a more compassionate and just world.

Here, I’ll share a few additional reflections on “unlearning,” but for an even richer understanding, listen to the podcast to hear how these principles play out in the micro-moments of our daily lives.

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From the moment we enter the world, we begin learning.

We absorb the rules of our families, communities, and larger societies.
Some of these lessons serve us well, fostering connection, growth, and resilience.

But others come from systems designed to control and dominate, systems that teach us to trade our authenticity for approval, our agency for compliance, and our creativity for conformity.

These patterns become part of our unconscious and implicit ways of being, and we often identify with them, seeing them as “who we are.”
Unexamined, they live inside us for years, shaping how we see ourselves and interact with others.

But what happens when these ways of being that helped us to conform and survive when we were younger, no longer serve us?
What if they’re quietly stifling the life we long to live?

The truth is, unlearning limiting beliefs is one of the most courageous acts of self-liberation we can undertake.
It’s not easy—but it is transformative.

Recognizing the Internalized Imprint of Domination Systems

Many of us grow up in systems where we learn that power is something to both fear and covet. Too familiar with the suffering that comes from the abuse of power, we generally swing between submitting to or rebel against the systems of judgment and control.  We find ourselves stuck between our impulses to be “good” and our deep desires to be “free” as we search for ways to be safe in our communities and free to express and live from our authentic selves.

The systems many of us grew up in may have taught us to:

• Believe our worth is tied to our productivity or compliance.
• Silence our own needs and desires to keep the peace.
• See authority figures as all-knowing, leaving little room for our own wisdom.

These fear-based beliefs can take root so deeply that they feel like truths, rather than conditioned responses. We carry them into our work, our relationships, and our inner dialogue, often without question.

Unlearning begins with awareness; with noticing that moment you spend your precious life-energy trying to meet impossible standards, dismissing your own voice in deference to someone else’s or in self-doubt gridlock because what your inner being wants, and what you’ve been told you’re supposed to want, are at odds with one another.

These are the moments of awareness that invite you to reclaim what was never meant to be given away: your agency, authenticity, and self-trust.

Reclaiming Your Inner Authority

One of the most profound shifts we can make is learning to trust our own inner authority.

For many, this means:

• Challenging the Fear of Authority: Ask yourself: What would I do if I weren’t afraid of disappointing someone in power? Fear of rejection or punishment often keeps us tethered to outdated beliefs. By acknowledging this fear without letting it control us, we start to regain our freedom.
• Practicing Self-Trust: Begin small. When faced with a decision, take a moment to tune into your own wisdom before seeking external validation. Over time, this practice strengthens your connection to your inner voice.
• Redefining Authority as Collaboration: Authority doesn’t have to equate with control, suffering and the abuse of power. It can mean partnership, where both parties bring value and insight. Seeing authority figures as equals – as humans with strengths and limitations – can ease the power imbalance and invite mutual respect.

Choosing Healthier Patterns

When I talk about  “unlearning,” I’m not suggesting that we just rejecting everything we’ve been taught.  Instead, I’m pointing to the importance of waking up, becoming conscious and taking the time to discern what aligns with our values and what doesn’t.

Do the things we have inherited and learned actually work for the kind of world we’d like to live in?
The kind of relationships we can actually thrive in?
If not, we can unlearn what causes suffering, and reach for healthier ways of being and relating to one another.

Here are some healthier ways to reach for:

From Comparison to Contribution: Instead of measuring yourself against others, focus on the unique value you bring to the world. Your worth isn’t determined by how you stack up but by the authenticity of your contribution.

From Control to Collaboration: Whether in relationships, workplaces, or communities, embrace dynamics where power is shared. Collaboration fosters connection and creativity, making space for everyone’s voice.

From Perfectionism to Presence: Perfection is an illusion. Presence – being fully engaged and authentic in the moment – is where true connection and joy lie.

The Power of Unlearning

Unlearning isn’t a single action or one time decision; it’s an ongoing practice.

Unlearning requires curiosity, self-compassion, and a willingness to question what we’ve been taught.
With each outdated belief you release, you make room for something more expansive, more true, and more aligned with who you really are.

Imagine the freedom of living a life where your worth is inherent, where your voice matters, and where your relationships are built on mutual respect and care. This is the promise of unlearning limiting beliefs.

You are not who you were taught to be. You are so much more. And the world needs the fullness of who you are.

Reflect and Act:

What’s one belief or habit you’ve internalized that no longer serves you? How can you begin to unlearn it?

Who in your life models healthy, collaborative relationships with power? What can you learn from them?

Let this be your invitation to step into the liberation that comes with unlearning. Trust the process. You’re on your way to a healthier, freer way of being.

Is unlearning things that no longer serve you difficult?  Where do you get stuck?  I’d love to know.  Leave a comment below.