Over the last couple of weeks, I shared three simple things necessary for being in relationship with one another:
1. Self-connection
2. Acceptance of reality, as it currently is.
3. Being willing to change, move, shift and transform my part of whatever isn’t working.
We explored self-connection and working with what is previously, so this week we are going to focus on cultivating our own willingness to shift what we are doing when it isn’t working.
Miki Kashtan defines willingness as “a true expansion of our human heart in the desire to make things work for others as well as ourselves.”
I love that.
And it got me thinking about what it takes for me to expand my heart. I came up with these two things:
I am more able to expand my own heart when I trust that:
1. I’ve connected deeply enough with the truths inside myself that I am able to express them with care and kindness.
2. I can emotionally survive whatever response comes my way.
When I have faith in these two truths, I find myself more empowered, more gentle, more loving.
This kind of deep self-connection and trust in my ability to field and survive others’ reactions, enables me to keep experimenting with speaking from my authentic self without harming others in the process.
As you think about what help you in your own willingness to shift your part of any given conflict, here are a few questions to contemplate:
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What will it take for you to practice un-defending yourself in interactions with others?
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Are you willing to melt the barriers around your soft, vulnerable and glorious heart?
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Are you willing to stop blaming, judging and criticizing yourself and others?
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Are you willing to get more interested in learning, growth and development than in defending your ego, your fears, your judgments?
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Are you willing to feel all of your authentic feelings and to allow others to have their authentic feelings?
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Are you willing to honor your universally human needs, and those of others?
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Are you will to shift from entitlement to appreciation and to consider that everything that happens to you is here to serve your own learning and growth if you will let it?
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Are you willing to be the change that you are seeking in the world?
And now, I’d love to hear more from you …
Which of these is most difficult for you to cultivate?
What helps you to cultivate a willingness to shift your own part in an entrenched relationship dynamic?
Continue the conversation with me by leaving a comment below.
I’m cultivating growth and learning from my mistakes yet the hardest part for me is to know where to shift, i.e. I have so many different information on raising my three year old and helping her with emotional waves, that I can’t see clearly how to mend my mistakes next time.
Hi Aleks, thank-you for writing 🙂 It can be difficult to sort through all the conflicting information "out there" and helping a three year old with emotional waves can be quite the rollercoaster for anyone. One of the people I love the most for parenting advice is Dr. Shefali: https://drshefali.com/raising-compassion-the-most-important-thing-parents-can-do/
I hope that helps!
Yvette, this piece was indeed timely for me, and the way you express what must be considered before expanding, the need for care and kindness and trust in one’s emotional survival is just what I needed to hear today. I am in a transitioning relationship with my sister. It is has been hurtful and difficult. I feel necessary to shift it, and I do need to care for my own needs and her hers.
I have been working on being more truthful to myself – not easy to be authentic without harming others in the process.
I think if I repeat this enough and stay aware of our needs, I may be able to salvage our relationship.
I also listened to your talk at Aslan when you spoke of archetypes at the May Forum! Thank you for using your own voice in so many examples. It was very helpful!