Our degree of self-trust is directly related to our self-connection and self-esteem.
When we like ourselves, we hold our imperfect, messy and awkward selves in high regard no matter how we perform, show up, or miss the mark sometimes.
We know that we are all just learning, growing and doing the best that we can.
We accept that we are sometimes unconscious and unaware of what we’re doing and how it’s impacting others, and we’re able to take in feedback and learn from life, without losing our dignity or self-respect.
Our ability to trust ourselves increases when we …
- Listen to ourselves compassionately
- Have a non-judgmental and attuned relationship with our inner voices and multiple inner parts
- Observe everything arising within us without getting overly identified with any of it
- Practice interpreting events though a needs consciousness (as opposed to judgmentalism) – understanding that everything we say or do is simply our best attempt to meet a deep, universal need that we have
- Are willing to ask for what we’d like in vulnerable, open and concrete ways, while remaining equally open to a yes or a no from others at all times.
Where and when do you lose touch with your goodness and inherent worth, and spiral instead into shame, guilt and regret?
One of the ways we can connect to our own self-respect is by actively working to undo some of what we were taught as children. One of the most common thiefs of self-esteem is perfectionism. Check out these video tips for undoing perfectionism, and this blog entry for ideas on how to love up your inner critic.
Last Saturday I had the pleasure of speaking with Laurie Fitz and Rick Bernardo on AM950 about how everything changes when you do. We covered a little of my childhood, moved into a discussion about anger and some of the things that it takes for us to bridge differences in our relationships. If you’re interested, please listen! Here’s a brief outline of what was discussed:
2:10: Growing up in South Africa
7:40: The anatomy of anger
15:30: Does my worth come from my usefulness to others?
18:15: The benefits of developing a witnessing self
23:15: Unresolved fight/flight
27:40: Awakening to social programming
31:00: Universal human needs
38:45: The impact of culture
I’d love to know your thoughts and follow up questions – especially since I will be doing this on the first Saturday of each month through the summer and would love to respond to any questions you pose in the comments beneath these replays.
Have a question or comment? I’d love to know. Please write it below.