The way we are spoken to as children becomes the way we speak to ourselves and others as adults, but as we become more aware of how we both think and speak habitually, we also develop more choice and creativity about who we want to be today.

When we soften our heated conversations with loved ones and deeply listen for what hurts instead of taking things too personally, we nurture compassion in our relationships. 

A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of exploring ideas like this in an open-hearted conversation with Anna Seewald on her Authentic Parenting podcast. We explored various aspects of the internal work of nonviolence and compassion that supports meaningful shifts in our relationships, and I’d love to share it with you this week.

At minute 54, I share my deep, primary mission and intention in life, and at the very end, some thoughts about what I would have liked to have told myself as a new mother, almost 18 years ago now.

Here are some key points in our conversation:

7:30 – Key aspects of the developmental journey from unconscious to conscious living and loving.

13:59 – How to shift from victim-consciousness to more choice and self-compassion.

22:30 – How to respond to defensive strategies, especially in the context of parent-child relationships; hearing the message before correcting how it was delivered.

28:45 – Diving into “needs consciousness”: getting our needs met, how we were parented, the disconnect from feelings and intrinsic motivations.

35:04 – “Connecting with our needs is one of the most fundamental internal guidance systems that we can develop to inform our own evolutionary journey to becoming free and loving and joyful beings that are contributing in really meaningful ways to one another.”

36:10 – “The needs that were chronically unmet in our lives are the ones that are going to come with the most urgency and pressure and demand energy inside of ourselves.”

38:00 – What to do when your needs don’t get met, how to sit with distress of your life and the importance of sitting next to discomfort, new moves to try if you’d like to get your needs well met.

45:12 – Making peace with how our attachments and childhood experiences may impact our romantic partnerships.

47:50 – How to open a conversation using reveal/suggestion and a word-by-word script to help you set clear intentions.  

54:16 – “My primary intention is to learn to love the world and myself as it is with a deep trust that when I’m able to love myself as it is and other people as they are, those are the conditions needed for healing and growth.”

55:14 – “We do a lot of violence to ourselves and one another when we expect ourselves and other people to have capacities that they don’t yet have.” 

57:45 – What is a “real feeling”? The power of using language more accurately, how to identify thoughts that masquerade as feelings, and a powerful tool for going a layer deeper!

1:12:05 – Practical tools to nurture your compassion and self-discovery.

1:16:30 – What would I say to myself as a new mom.

Listen here.

There are so many layers, and there is so much learning to be done in life. I am honored to be a part of your self-discovery and transformation journey.

I’d love to hear what you found most useful about our conversation: What is your biggest take-away? How might you apply this information in your own life? I’d love to know. Please leave a comment below.