In a deep conversation with one of the members in my membership program recently, the subject of trust arose.
“I’m just not sure how to trust other people,” she shared as we talked through some relationship dynamics in her life.
Which brought up an interesting question:
Can we really ever trust other people?
In my experience, we humans can be pretty fickle, flakey, fragmented and finicky.
On bad days, we can be under resourced, tired, irritable and reactive.
What if our sense of safety in relationships was less about other people’s trustworthiness, and more about our own ability to trust our feelings, perceptions, and decisions as we interact with the wide variety of humans out there?
What if we were more focused on our self-trust, our ability to respond well to whatever comes our way, than on trying to create ideal conditions and change other people into the image of what we prefer?
When we are grounded in deeper self-trust, we become less afraid of who and how other people are around us.
Here are three kinds of self-trust that I think are foundational to our sense of safety in our relationships:
- Trusting ourselves to see things clearly
- Trusting our inner goodness and worth
- Trusting that we can handle a wide range of responses from others while still protecting ourselves from harm
For the next few weeks, I will take each of those and dive into them more deeply, but for this week, take a moment to reflect:
- Where do you doubt your own interpretations and perceptions of things, and what can you do about that?
- Where and when do you lose touch with your goodness and inherent worth, and spiral instead into shame, guilt and regret?
- What responses from others are you finding particularly challenging to field while keeping yourself safe? What insights, skills and capacities would you like to develop to grow your interpersonal muscles stronger?
Have a comment? I’d love to know. Leave a comment below!
I notice that in situations where my inner worth and goodness is weak I may not see things clearly. So questions 1 and 2 are applicable to my situation of having to leave my home and finding a place to make a new one Thank you Yvette, this is very helpful again.