I could talk about my feelings, I could talk from my feelings, but I really didn’t have the skills I needed to both feel my feelings and also regulate and soothe those feelings.
Most of us were raised in domination cultures, which teach us to suppress our feelings and our needs in the service of garnering approval from other people – often authority figures.
At school, at work, and even sometimes at home with those we love best, we can get the message that what we’re feeling and needing takes a backseat to how well we comply, behave in a particular way or toe a particular party line.
As I embarked on my own healing journey, I developed a kinder, gentler observing self. I got in touch with my feelings again, and became much more deeply connected to my needs. I reclaimed pieces of myself that I had put away and lost. And as I began feeling into my needs again, I was able to start living from my whole self – not just from my mind and my fears.
Words like … attacked, left out, abandoned, disrespected … these aren’t “true” feelings.
Faux feeling words can trip us up because they masquerade around as if they are feelings, but actually point to judgments and interpretations about things happening outside of us.
Interested in learning more? Listen to the entire podcast.
Want to jump to the good parts? Here are the show notes:
[1:11] What are faux feelings and needs, and what are their differences from actual feelings and needs?
[20:22] How do you receive someone when you sense faux feelings and then add real feelings in communication?
[27:54] How do we recognize and respond to harmful situations?
[30:31] What would a healthy culture or family system look like?
[36:03] How do you let go of resentment?
[37:11] How do you recognize if you are developing narcissistic traits?
Looking for more blog posts on developing a feelings literacy? Check this one out:
Have something you’d like to share about faux feelings? I’d love to know. Leave a comment below!