The Sovereign listening archetype

 

YOUR LISTENING STYLE IS:

The Empath

You tend to listen through an empathic lens, attuning first to other people’s feelings and needs.

Now that you’re here, I’ll show you how to both use your listening style to your advantage, and also expand and transform its capacities for your benefit.

First of all…

watch the video below for a

Short Recap of Your Results

Explore The Empath

 specific action steps to take as

Empath Listening Style

People who listen through the lens of the Empath attune very well into the feelings and needs of other people, even when they are fielding judgments, criticisms and blame.. They can sit with a wide range of emotions in other people without losing connection to what might be important for the other person.

The part of you that tends toward the Empath style easily sees what someone else is feeling and can quickly identify what needs may be associated with their feelings.

Because you are so attuned to the feelings and needs of someone else, you may have a habit of getting out of touch with your own feelings and needs.

In connecting deeply with the feelings of someone else, you may lose yourself or abandon your own feelings and needs or the impact of absorbing someone else’s feelings on your own. You might need more boundaries between your subjective sense of reality and somebody else’s. 

Your listening style can be a strength that helps other people feel seen, heard, and understood. However, this can lead to over-functioning, taking on responsibilities that are not yours, and being susceptible to things like compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, resentment and burnout in your relationships. While you may be quick to attune to someone else’s needs in a conflict and not take something personally, focusing heavily on the other person can sometimes result in you paying a heavy price in not getting your own needs met. This can lead to resentment toward other people. 

In an attempt to stay connected with other people, your expectations of yourself can often be unreasonable. You can easily fall into the trap of taking responsibility when responsibility is not yours — instead of having boundaries and acknowledging your own feelings and needs.

The Sovereign listening archetype
Remember that you’re allowed to acknowledge your own feelings and needs, especially when someone else offers criticism or blame. It’s important to keep attuning to the feelings and needs of others, but simultaneously tune into yourself. That’s how we can create deeper connection with others without abandoning ourselves. 

When you learn more about your archetype and skills to work on, you can improve the harmony in your relationships and get your own important needs met.

 specific action steps to take as

Empath Listening Style

People who listen through the style of the Empath attune very well into the feelings and needs of other people, even when they are fielding judgments, criticisms and blame.. They can sit with a wide range of emotions in other people without losing connection to what might be important for the other person.

The part of you that tends toward the Empath archetype easily sees what someone else is feeling and can quickly identify what needs may be associated with their feelings.

Because you are so attuned to the feelings and needs of someone else, you may have a habit of getting out of touch with your own feelings and needs.

In connecting deeply with the feelings of someone else, you may lose yourself or abandon your own feelings and needs or the impact of absorbing someone else’s feelings on your own. You might need more boundaries between your subjective sense of reality and somebody else’s. 

Your listening style can be a strength that helps other people feel seen, heard, and understood. However, this can lead to over-functioning, taking on responsibilities that are not yours, and being susceptible to things like compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, resentment and burnout in your relationships. While you may be quick to attune to someone else’s needs in a conflict and not take something personally, focusing heavily on the other person can sometimes result in you paying a heavy price in not getting your own needs met. This can lead to resentment toward other people. 

In an attempt to stay connected with other people, your expectations of yourself can often be unreasonable. You can easily fall into the trap of taking responsibility when responsibility is not yours — instead of having boundaries and acknowledging your own feelings and needs.

The Sovereign listening archetype

Remember that you’re allowed to acknowledge your own feelings and needs, especially when someone else offers criticism or blame. It’s important to keep attuning to the feelings and needs of others, but simultaneously tune into yourself. That’s how we can create deeper connection with others without abandoning ourselves. 

When you learn more about your archetype and skills to work on, you can improve the harmony in your relationships and get your own important needs met. 

why understand your

Listening Style

What if you had 2x more peace in all of your relationships — at work, at home, and with friends?

What if you could connect with the people who are most difficult to get along with from the wisest, most loving, and most playful part of yourself?

When you know where you are, you know where your next growth step is. You can also get more strategic about where your growth edge is. You can also set yourself on a path to creating deeper connection in your relationships with others, yourself, and your own life purpose.

It takes effort and intention to practice a relational listening style without abandoning oneself! To avoid abandoning your own needs in order to attune to someone else’s, let’s get clear on a game plan that’s accessible, attainable, and actionable.

 how to deeply listen to others as

The Empath

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recognize

Recognize that in order to stay connected to others, you do not have to abandon your own needs. You can maintain your own boundaries, meet your own needs, and still stay connected with others. 

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pause

When acknowledging someone else’s feelings and needs, pause and identify what urges immediately come up within you to react. Is there the immediate urge to meet the other person’s needs without first checking in with your own needs?

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observe

When you notice yourself abandoning your own needs in response to someone in need, practice breathing into the moment. Observe your thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants with the same curiosity and compassion that you would offer to someone else.

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identify

Identify what types of behaviors or words others say or do that are the stimulus for your self-abandonment. See if you can identify patterns in the behaviors and words of others that may be the stimulus of self-abandonment. For more information, visit this blog.

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acknowledge

When someone else is criticizing or blaming you, acknowledge the urge to ignore your own feelings and needs. Give yourself permission to pause.  

 how to deeply listen to others as

The Empath

21

recognize

Recognize that in order to stay connected to others, you do not have to abandon your own needs. You can maintain your own boundaries, meet your own needs, and still stay connected with others. 

30

pause

When acknowledging someone else’s feelings and needs, pause and identify what urges immediately come up within you to react. Is there the immediate urge to meet the other person’s needs without first checking in with your own needs?

20

observe

When you notice yourself abandoning your own needs in response to someone in need, practice breathing into the moment. Observe your thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants with the same curiosity and compassion that you would offer to someone else.

26

identify

Identify what types of behaviors or words others say or do that are the stimulus for your self-abandonment. See if you can identify patterns in the behaviors and words of others that may be the stimulus of self-abandonment. For more information, visit this blog.

24

acknowledge

When someone else is criticizing or blaming you, acknowledge the urge to ignore your own feelings and needs. Give yourself permission to pause.  

 how to express yourself skillfully as

The Empath

Check for Impact

When you share something about yourself, remember to get curious  about the impact you may be having on the other person. After sharing something about yourself, ask direct questions about how someone else feels or what someone else thinks in response to what you revealed. 

Reveal

As you field and tune into how others are feeling, remember to also reveal your own subjective experiences and responses in skillful and kind ways.  

Notice

Embrace the “both/and”: In addition to being attuned and aware of others, remember to speak from a place of personal subjectivity and to bring yourself more fully into the conversation instead of keeping it over-focused on the other person.

Deepen your awareness

Deepen your awareness of when you start to take responsibility for someone else’s needs, and remember to stay in your own lane. You can care about other people’s feelings and needs without taking responsibility for other people’s feelings and needs

Create Space

When hearing that someone is in distress or feeling angry, instead of feeling the responsibility of taking on someone else’s burden, try to create space for both their emotions and your own at the same time.

Practice Connecting

Practice connecting how you feel and with what you need. Then practice directly expressing your needs to others instead of abandoning them.

Express your Needs

Express your needs while respecting others’ needs and without abandoning your own. 

I’m going to show you my framework and what you need to do to leverage the best parts of your listening archetype so that you can:

Build more peaceful relationships with others —imagine what’s possible when you use a proven framework to handle any charged moment with calm and peace. 

Deepen your sense of purpose — having a clear connection to your sense of meaning and purpose is integral to your well-being. Imagine reconnecting with your inner wisdom so you can make a meaningful difference in the world.

Create a stronger connection with yourself — this is what most communication archetypes overlook. I’ll help you understand why understanding your listening archetype is key to helping you gain more self-acceptance.

 specific action steps to take as

The Empath

Based on your quiz responses, you might be accustomed to attuning to, and even sometimes  absorbing, other people’s feelings. A big part of you tends to take on others’ emotional responsibilities rather than allowing those people to take responsibility for what is theirs. 

As long as you realize that this comes from a deep core belief that the way to stay connected to others is to meet other people’s needs, you have a better chance of getting your own needs met without self-abandoning. You can stay connected to others without taking on other people’s “stuff” that isn’t yours to take on. To avoid falling into the trap of self-abandonment, over-responsibility, or over-functioning, here’s what you can do:

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01Recognize the importance of reclaiming yourself on a regular basis.

02 Have more containment boundaries to protect yourself from taking on the burdens of the world. For more information, check out my course on boundaries.

03 Understand the signs of compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, and burnout. Get curious about what events might lead to this in you both at work and at home. 

04Give other people the emotional “stuff” that belongs to them, and separate what is not your emotional responsibility to take.

05Release the urge to do for others what others need to do for themselves when they are in need.

06Learn more coaching skills to use with others instead of doing something for someone else.

07Learn about different types of boundaries you might need to set both at work and at home.

08Stay grounded in your own subjectivity without losing yourself in the desire to be there for others.

09Work towards true interdependence and co-creation by filling your own cup with activities you enjoy.

 specific action steps to take as

The Empath

Based on your quiz responses, you might be accustomed to attuning to, and even sometimes  absorbing, other people’s feelings. A big part of you tends to take on others’ emotional responsibilities rather than allowing those people to take responsibility for what is theirs. 

As long as you realize that this comes from a deep core belief that the way to stay connected to others is to meet other people’s needs, you have a better chance of getting your own needs met without self-abandoning. You can stay connected to others without taking on other people’s “stuff” that isn’t yours to take on. To avoid falling into the trap of self-abandonment, over-responsibility, or over-functioning, here’s what you can do:

01Recognize the importance of reclaiming yourself on a regular basis.

02 Have more containment boundaries to protect yourself from taking on the burdens of the world. For more information, check out my course on boundaries.

03 Understand the signs of compassion fatigue, vicarious trauma, and burnout. Get curious about what events might lead to this in you both at work and at home. 

04Give other people the emotional “stuff” that belongs to them, and separate what is not your emotional responsibility to take.

05Release the urge to do for others what others need to do for themselves when they are in need.

06Learn more coaching skills to use with others instead of doing something for someone else.

07Learn about different types of boundaries you might need to set both at work and at home.

08Stay grounded in your own subjectivity without losing yourself in the desire to be there for others.

09Work towards true interdependence and co-creation by filling your own cup with activities you enjoy.

Meet Dr. Yvette Erasmus

I know what it’s like to struggle to express myself authentically because I don’t want to make things worse with other people. I know what it’s like to be stuck in power struggles feeling lonely with the conflict and disconnection in my relationships at home and work.  Sometimes this is because I was afraid to own my power and set the boundaries I needed to because I was afraid of damaging my relationships.

I’ve spent a lifetime unlearning self-sabotaging habits and developing the skills and insights needed to communicate in relational ways with myself and others so that I can live an authentic, empowered and connected life. 

As a licensed clinical psychologist and life-long educator, I’ve created an online learning and practice community dedicated to helping others understand themselves better, develop more self-compassion and communicate more effectively.

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My Recommendations

for you

Based on your listening archetype, here are a few videos from my YouTube channel to help you keep strengthening your listening skills as a Sovereign invested in self-improvement so that you can connect more deeply with others, yourself, and with the meaningful difference you are meant to make in the world:

NEXT STEPS

Ready to take these practices to real life and specific relationships? 

Here’s what I want for you…

I want to see you become the most authentic, empowered, and connected version of yourself that is loving to others and yourself.

That’s why in addition to your results, I want to invite you to my free group podcast calls that happen each Wednesday morning, called Conversations from the Heart. 

Feel free to bring your questions or just lurk and learn to apply compassionate communication, nonviolent relationship tools, and psychological insights to practice in your life to specific relationships. 

Now that you’re part of my community, be on the lookout for an email from me where I’ll send you an invitation. 🙂

With much love and tenderness –

Dr. Yvette Erasmus