When something goes wrong, most of us respond by looking for something or someone to blame. We default into asking, “What’s wrong?” and commonly answer that question with either “You!” or “Me!” Judgments, criticisms, analyses, diagnoses, and power struggles usually follow, and we all know how those conversations go. It’s not really our fault, though. Let me explain.
Learning how to work with life, instead of against it, has been a lifelong practice for me. Over the years, I’ve explored a new way forward when things seem to be going wrong, including some useful mindset shifts, and three words I use to get unstuck from ideas of wrongness.
“And” helps us bridge differences, make connections, and see our shared humanity and shared needs. Once we decide to let go of our defensiveness, our fears, our resistance, and instead start working with life on its terms, we free ourselves up for more play and creativity in all aspects of our lives.
In your relationships with other humans, you tend to get more of what you focus upon. Here’s how to express a heartfelt appreciation towards someone you care about.
I often think of conversations as the life-force that enlivens – or throttles – relationships. Conversations are never really complete. They are ongoing. Winding. Emergent. Unpredictable. And, when they are life-affirming and generative, conversations tend to go through some very predictable stages.