, Psy.D., LP

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Empathy Hands

Empathy or Not? A Deeper Look

I was recently re-organizing some handouts that I often use for workshops, and came across this one on the difference between empathic and non-empathic responses. Reading it again, I was surprised to find myself arguing with my own handout, and realized that I wanted to talk about how taking an Integral Communication approach has become increasingly important […]

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What to do when triggered

What (Not) To Do When Triggered

As I was helping two people work through a conflict a few weeks ago, one of them turned to me and snapped, “So basically you’re accusing me of being abusive?” I took a deep breath. “OK. Let’s slow down … first, am I understanding what you are telling me accurately: You said you called your partner a liar, […]

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Will Revenge Make Me Feel Better?

Walking the dog this morning, I noticed my mind playing out a revenge fantasy that I have been harboring. Have you noticed how when people hurt us in deeply enduring and life-altering ways, we sometimes feel like the only way out of our pain and suffering is to hand it back to them in the […]

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Bittersweet Mourning

I know when a break-down is brewing. I start getting short and curt with people. I am irritable about things that normally don’t bother me. I can’t remember what I did a few hours ago. I stop returning emails and phone calls. I make decisions based on what other people need without checking in with myself […]

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Feeling Criticized? Try This.

When I used to hear things like: “Don’t take this personally, but …” or “I am not trying to criticize you, but …” my hackles would rise in preparation. My loyal defenses would kick in (we all know whatever follows that “but” is not going to be good) and I would brace myself for whatever […]

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