There are two main misconceptions about boundaries. The first is that a boundary is a punishment. Now that you’ve gone and done this terrible, awful thing to me, my only option is to punish you for your actions by enforcing a boundary. The second is that a boundary is something I force you to do. “You will not speak to me in that tone of voice”, or “You will not continue to disrespect the family in this way.”
Read the Healing Heart
Of course we work hard to love all humans as they are. However, that doesn’t mean I invite all humans into the closest corners of my life.
Have you ever struggled with the fine line between practicing empathy and not wanting to enable abuse?
What if, after all the therapy you’ve done to heal it, your fear of abandonment remains because you keep abandoning yourself in your attempts to prove to others that you are worthy of not being abandoned? We often won’t fully dissolve or heal our fear of abandonment until we also address our own patterns of self-abandonment.
Healthy relationships are all about finding ways to be both empathic and boundaried, connected to ourselves and connected to others. It's a fine balance. I don’t abandon myself by putting others on pedestals, nor do I abandon others by putting myself above them. ...