You know two main things get in the way of setting healthy boundaries? Our fear of how other people might react. Self-doubt and insecurity about our ability to respond to those reactions in effective ways. This challenge is made even more difficult when we’ve been...
I used to think that having a boundary meant proclaiming ultimatums, drawing lines in the stand and then defending them resolutely. I used to associate having good boundaries with being disconnected and cut off from others.
What would it look like to be authentically yourself, express your limits and boundaries clearly, and still be in meaningful relationships with others?
During a boundary exploration exercise at a workshop last year, I had a moment of profound insight. We were exploring the felt-sense of boundaries in our bodies, and playing with our ability to track sensations and read cues that arose from within. The exercise involved a person walking slowly towards me from across a room, while I was supposed to sense out a “stop” from my body as she was getting closer.
Our instructions were to follow our body cues, sense out an internal boundary, and to indicate when we wanted the other person to stop approaching.
Even though anger is not the same thing as aggression, I often find myself tensing up around anger as if it is synonymous with aggression. I still consciously remind myself that it, in fact, is not. Anger, is the 30 second to 2 minute “whoooooosh” of activation...