, Psy.D., LP

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Powerful Requests Glasses

5 Steps to More Powerful Requests

Whenever I ask for something relational that I’m needing (comfort, affection, to be heard or seen) I feel super vulnerable. This isn’t easy. I worry about: 1. Being turned down 2. Feeling disappointed, and 3. Then judging myself for being too needy, demanding, pushy or selfish. I also sometimes wish people would just read my mind: isn’t it obvious that I […]

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What to do when triggered

What (Not) To Do When Triggered

As I was helping two people work through a conflict a few weeks ago, one of them turned to me and snapped, “So basically you’re accusing me of being abusive?” I took a deep breath. “OK. Let’s slow down … first, am I understanding what you are telling me accurately: You said you called your partner a liar, […]

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Bridge the Divide

Bi-Partisan Friendships: Bridging the Divide

In a conversation I had last weekend with Roxy Manning and a group of leaders interested in bringing NVC-consciousness to diversity work at institutions of higher education locally, she used a phrase that I love: Focus on engaging, not changing For me this translated into: Be in relationship with one another, and stop leading with so many demands for […]

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Include More Parts Expand

Including More Parts. (Getting Bigger)

We lived in Germany when I was in elementary school and each year for the holidays we would visit extended family “back home” in South Africa. I’d always be just a little more grown up. Hugging and welcoming us, family would turn to me saying with glowing, love and pride, saying: “Oh my, look how big you’ve gotten! […]

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